overcoming cognitive distortions

Everyone is better at doing life than me.

I failed this test… I’m so stupid.

I’ll never get through this.

Sound familiar? These might be similar to thoughts that you’ve had if you’ve ever struggled with anxiety, depression, or dysphoria. They can be hurtful and leave a nasty feeling in your gut, and the worst part is that oftentimes you can actually believe them.

However, you are not alone in going through this. These thoughts are extremely common and referred to as cognitive distortions. They are the mind’s way of biasing its view on life towards a negative and hopeless mindset.

For some background, these distortions are rooted in the evolutionary development of instinctual survival. In the British Journal of Medical Psychology, scholar Paul Gilbert writes that “many forms of cognitive distortion can be seen to use the (previously) adaptive heuristic of better safe than sorry.” In other words, whenever our brains feel stress, they assume the worst case–that we are being chased by a sabertooth tiger in the Stone Age–so they do everything that they can to give us the adrenaline and thinking patterns that would help us to get out of a dangerous situation.

Therefore, even when we are nervous about things that are far less threatening than a tiger chase, such as a quiz or a conversation with our neighbor, our brains go into survival mode and heighten the situation through distortions.

There are many different kinds of distortions, and you probably identify with some types more than others. Here are a few examples:

Overgeneralization - tendency to generalize to the point of inaccuracy (e.g. I can’t do anything right; Another rejection? I’ll never find a job)

Mind reading - assuming you know what other people think (e.g. Everyone is talking about me behind my back; my partner doesn't like me anymore)

Discounting the positive - playing down positive events (e.g. Yeah I aced this test, but I still failed the last one; they don’t really mean that compliment, they were just being nice; I didn’t earn this position, I got lucky)

Musterbation - the phenomenon whereby people live by a set of absolute and unrealistic demands that they place on themselves, others, and the world (e.g. I don’t deserve a break; I should be more productive than this; I expected that I'd be more successful at this age)

So now that we have a better understanding of what cognitive distortions are, we can start talking about how to quiet them down! One of the most popular methods of dealing with cognitive distortions is known as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Britannica defines CBT as "a common form of psychotherapy used to help people become aware of and to change their inaccurate or negative patterns of thinking."

Here are a set of steps designed by CBT specialists to overcome cognitive distortions:

The first step is to begin identifying that they are even there at all. Personally, before I ever heard of these distortions, I didn’t distinguish them from my more rational thoughts. After realizing what they were, it was helpful to acknowledge when they popped up and then separate them from my other thoughts. As trivial as it sounds, noticing them can actually be one of the more challenging parts of the process because they’ve been flying under the radar for so long.

When you feel pretty confident in recognizing your cognitive distortions, the second step is to start debunking them. When you notice distortion is at play, ask yourself, “Where is the evidence behind this thought?” This can require some mental effort because we are so used to believing that they are true and consequently justifying them under a false pretense.

For instance, with mind-reading, we assume the thoughts of others and can confuse this behavior with empathy or emotional intelligence. However, in mind-reading it is especially important to think, “What have they actually expressed with their words, actions, or body language? Am I filling in any gaps with my own assumptions?” This will help to separate empathetic thoughts from distortive ones.

Once you have a hold on picking out distortions and seeing that they’re not true, you’re ready for the last step which is to reverse or reframe them–just adding in that positive spin! Think about how you can disprove them and bring your lens back towards a neutral reality where you can see what is true.

Here is an example of what a full execution of this process might look like:

I wanted an A but I got a C–I am such a failure… That thought just made me feel so bad… It’s probably a distortion… Why do I think that I’m a failure? I’ve actually succeeded in a lot of things: getting into a good school, passing my last test, and following through with my study goals. One failure does not define me or take away from my success. I am not a failure.

Just as it's possible for our minds to get into a negative rhythm, it is possible to retrain them to dance to a positive one instead. People always say that your perspective on life really affects how you live, and it's extremely true!

Maybe you'll relate to this–I sometimes struggle with letting go of anxious thoughts because in some ways I feel like they serve as protection. I have this backwards version of a "shoot for the stars because even if you miss you'll still hit the moon" mentality. Like, if I'm so worried and stressed all the time about distortedly large things, then the worst case is that I'll still succeed but just not to the extremity that I desired. It's hard to abandon that mindset and instead risk the pain that could come from being overly optimistic and then disappointed after not acheiving desired results. But even that fear of trading in pessimism for optimism is a form of anxiety. If you relate to this at all, I can assure you that hope and positivity will guide you to greater things than would fear and self-punishment.

I don't want to write this post giving any impression that I've absolutely nailed this CBT stuff and am living with a super positive outlook on life. Managing mental health conditions is always going to be a progress over perfection situation, but even the smallest bit of progress can play a big role in the long run. Something is better than nothing!

That being said, it’s also really important to provide yourself with the space and time needed to go through the steps listed above (I'm talking like even maybe WEEKS for each step). It’s easy to want to jump into solutions for mental health conditions right away. However, I like to recognize that these distortions didn’t arrive overnight and were probably a result of mental habits accrued over a longer period, meaning that they're going to take time to undo. Remember that there is no set timeline for improvement.

On my final note, know that this whole process can be jarring, but I encourage you to embrace the discomfort! It’s a sign that you are changing and growing. There is also no straight line trajectory headed only upwards. There may be some days where it is difficult to do any part of these steps, but others where you feel really good about it, and that’s ok. As long as you care, you’re already halfway there!

That’s all I wanted to share with you all today, so once again, thanks for tuning in and I’ll see you all next week!<3